Old Patterns
A couple of days ago I had an exchange with someone close to me that echoed a pattern we had experienced many times before, but that we hadn’t been through for a while. I do something not that smart, she says something judgemental that I experience as humiliating, I get resentful, she keeps up the humiliation theme, my anger explodes, she drops into victim mode and demands an apology, I refuse and we hit stalemate. The field of our relationship is polluted and we lose our connection.
This morning she brought it up as something we needed to talk about, bless her. So we worked it through, each acknowledged our roles in the situation and apologised (which took a bit of work on both sides for us to get to with real authenticity).
She had been saying for a couple of days that she wanted to go to the Red Line protest in Amsterdam against the Israeli treatment of the Palestinians in Gaza. Now I’ve been to many a protest in my time, but I just felt this inner resistance to going to this one. I found it hard to verbalise. I mumbled something about increasing the polarisation and that it was more complex than all these NGOs were making out. But although I could feel the reason there, I couldn’t put it into words.
Staying Home to Go Within
This morning she decided to go to Amsterdam and I decided to stay home and work on whatever that pattern was that had got under my skin and wormed its way into our relational space again. In these situations, where I know I have something I need to transform, I turn to Jeru Kabbal’s Quantum Light Breath practice – specifically the Transforming Attitudes 45 minute process.
At the start of the process, Jeru invites us to name the pattern we want to transform and imagine it written on a sticker and stuck somewhere on our body, and then to forget it. What formed in my mind was “anger at being humiliated”. I parked it on my gut and moved on to the breathing practice.
As with many of these kind of practices, it starts with deepening the breath, into the stomach and up into the chest, and release – bringing in as much oxygen as you can. My body always starts twitching in this process which I take as releasing something. At a certain point he invites us to speed up the breathing and increase the intensity. Then he asks us to recall the attitude we had written on the sticker.
Meeting the Roots of Anger
“Anger at being humiliated”. My body spasms and throws itself around accompanied by the intense breathing. Jeru invites us to recall any moments from our past or emotions associated with the attitude. I get flashes of my father’s anger and impatience when I did something incompetently, the moment a family member laughed as she pushed me down an embankment when out on a walk with the family after she’d had a sherry or two at lunch, the bullies at school. I could feel my anger as my body continued to purge itself.
At some point my body settled down and my mind cleared, and Jeru invited us to imagine the sticker with the attitude written on it shrinking and then falling away from our body. As I saw that happen, deep uncontrollable sobbing took over my body and flowed through me. I sobbed for the pain I had caused others as a result of that pattern and then I saw in a flash how this pattern was playing out in the conflicts of our world.
Seeing the Pattern in the World
The Israelis – who see themselves as the chosen people – were humiliated in the concentration camps of the second world war. The Palestinians were humiliated when their holy land was taken away from them and given to others – and have continued to be humiliated by this great military power on their doorstep and the provocations of the settlers. The Israelis are humiliated on October 7th 2023 when their promise of high security protection is found desperately wanting as their innocent children, women and men are slaughtered and kidnapped right under their noses. And now the Palestinians are getting humiliated again, as their land, once more, is taken from them. And it all feeds anger. Anger at being humiliated.
The Grace of Forgiveness
Once the sobbing for the suffering had settled, Jeru then invited us to see the higher self we are, and take in the love and energy that life is constantly beaming at us. I felt forgiveness, which set off a second round of deep sobbing and release, but with a different quality. It was almost the disbelief at the grace and compassion of a Universe, of a God, of whatever you want to call It, that can love us so unconditionally that when we acknowledge our role in the creation of suffering and truly commit to doing what we can to transform ourselves, we are forgiven.
The Holographic Work
This was what I had been sensing. As within, so without. As above, so below. The patterns in us are the patterns in the world. The patterns in the world are the patterns in us. This was such a beautiful example of it, handed to me on a plate. One of us goes out into the world to show our solidarity with the suffering caused by these patterns, and the other stays at home to work on the transformation of the pattern in himself. These actions are both examples of the work that is needed – inner and outer. We need both.
It also reminded me of what we are discovering in the consciousness research with the Wyrd technologies. We are starting to see patterns in the data that aren’t just a reflection of the quantity of the anomaly, the size of the pattern in the field of consciousness, but seem to be pointing to qualia in the data – signatures of certain rituals and emotions. It is very early days and we have a research project pending, but our intuition is telling us very strongly that this is what we are going find.
Our inner states imprint patterns in the field of consciousness around us, and we expect to be able to demonstrate that soon with the Wyrd consciousness technologies. Given the non-local, fractal, holographic nature of consciousness (see Dan Brown’s latest book!), this means that the patterns we put into the field show up everywhere else – and that all the patterns in the field are accessible to everyone everyone. Our own resonance brings us into patterns of a similar resonance in the field. Through our inner states, as well as every choice we make to act a certain way in the world, we co-create not just our own reality, but the whole of reality around us.
Now I know why I wasn’t meant to go to the protest in Amsterdam. We each need to find our path to make our contribution to the world, our own practice. Inner work, outer work, ideally a combination of both. But whatever you choose, and do choose something, know that it will echo out in the field that coheres into the manifest world around us. That is both a huge responsibility and a huge relief, knowing that we can choose, and the choices that we make count. Time to get to work!
If anyone would like to try the Jeru Kabbal practice I mentioned above, you can download it here (.m4a format, zipped). (I have tried to track him down or an organisation related to him, to ask permission to share or offer a contribution, but have failed so far. I can’t find it to buy or stream anywhere. If anyone does come across something, please do let me know.)
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